Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
