remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
