I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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