The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize