i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
