Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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