When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize