Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
