Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
