P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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