If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize