i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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