my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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