AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
