so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sober January is a disaster.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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