I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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