12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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