my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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