I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
