1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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