Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
