Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
