fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
