I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
