Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
