I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
