the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
