We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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