They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
