There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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