the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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