All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
