Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
