if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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