Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize