I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
