at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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