Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
