Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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