I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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