bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
