You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
