I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
