I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
