no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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