I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
