I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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