I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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