Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
