I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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