the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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