I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
