i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
