i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
