guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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