sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She needs sedatives and a leash
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize