I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I am morally bankrupt
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
