6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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