I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
God, I missed his penis.
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