he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
