I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
