Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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