i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
