The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it hurts more in the daytime
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
