i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
