saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
