just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
