He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize