I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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