apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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