I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
