im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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