Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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