im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
