At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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