I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
