Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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