I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
