he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
