I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
