Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
