we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
