also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
