Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my being single is dangerous.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
