I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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