ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
