Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
His nipple licking is glorious
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