I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
