i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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